Pull up your pants before I do it for you!

Okay, seriously, is it now cool to have a portion of your ass crack show because you wear your pants so low? Is this now attarctive? What really gets me is when they do it at the gym. The WOMEN'S gym. Who's looking? There are no guys there. So they must be doing it to piss off all the other women. There was a girl there the other day, and if she had run any faster on that treadmill her pants would've come straight off. You're supposed to be comfortable at the gym. The gym is supposed to be a haven where you can look like crap and no one cares 'cause you're getting fit and they all look like crap too. So why the popularity of wearing your pants uncomfortably low? Especially with sweat pants that are too big for the person wearing them. What, they didn't have your size in the store at the time so you figured you'd just buy the big ones? Maybe you should've waited and gotten a size that fits instead of rolling down the waistband so the world can see your ass.

What also annoys me is their seeming ignorance of what I will call their side chub. This is the area below the waist on the back side of your sides that when you wear your pants a little tight sticks out due to the flab. Everyone has this, even those cocaine-addicted skeletal people we call models. It's just always there. And I fail to understand why they feel the must display their side chub for the world to see. Not only is the shirt tighter than it should be, but it's short, so if there's any belly fat, it, too is openly displayed. I'm 6 feet tall and I can find shirts long enough to cover my belly fat. That means everyone else can too.

So to all the stupid teenage girls who pause on the treadmill or walking down the street at least 2 times every 5 minutes to yank up their pants so they don't fall down 'cause they refuse to pull them up to the spot that they were designed to be worn at, I'm tired of seeing your underwear! I don't care if you paid $40 for that ridiculous hot pink thong, pull up your pants, before I'm forced to come over and do it for you!

Free the toes!

I have decided, after much consideration and thought, that I am emphatically anti-sock. I prefer to let my toes roam free in the air rather than to cage them in the tight cotton of socks. Given the choice between sandals and shoes, it'll be sandals every time. During the course of evolution, I don't think the powers that be intended us to be walking around with socks on. They intended us to run free without confining our precious toes to small leather pockets and cotton-elastic coverings.

So I have decided that all days off, time off, and vactions shall heretofore be sock-free. No socks will be worn unless absolutely necessary. And I encourage all of you to do the same. Don't restrain your feet and allow them to stew in their own stench and sweat, set them free. So go down to the nearest Wal-Mart or Saan store and buy yourself a pair of flip-flops. Or slip ons. Or even the kind of sandals with the straps. Join the revolution, and free the toes!

When you're smilin...the whole world smiles with you...

I have decided that the old addage, smiles are contagious, is actually true. I have discovered, by careful observation, that if you smile at someone, you are likely to get a smile back. Even if that person is in a particularly cranky mood. Ridiculous grins work particularly well in this situation. I also find it's difficult to be angry with a ridiculous grin on your face. I discovered this just today at work. I was working with, lets call her Crazy Jane, and she drives me insane. She's like a little buzzing mosquito that can't sit still for more than 5 seconds without annoying you. And despite her small stature, she may just be the loudest person in the lab. Carzy Jane is particularly difficult to work with when she thinks it's a busy day. Let's just say she doesn't handle stress well.

Anyways, I whipped out the "I'm a nut job" grin, and it seemed to make Crazy Jane significantly less annoying. Or maybe it was the spontaneous release of endorphins to my brain. Either way, I have decided that any situation can be made less stressful/bad/unpleasant if you have a maniacal grin on your face, or you're willing to chuckle at the utter ridiculousness of your situation. So cheer up, 'cause it won't seem so bad if everyone around you thinks you're crazy.

And in response to Slacker's mission: mission accepted. I estimate it will take approximately two years for full deployment of said song skills. But it'll be worth it.

"It's not unusual to be loved by anyone..."

The return to BC...

Well, I find myself back here in rainy BC. After two airport transfers and a 10 minute ride from Comox to Campbell River where the pilots outnumbered the passengers (I was the only one on the plane), I finally made it back alive. But let me tell you, never again will I willingly transfer that many times. But at least I didn't have to go through security more than once. Note to self, don't wear shoes with eyelets that set off metal detectors again. They make you take your shoes off right in the airport! It's incredibly annoying!

So the Ice festival went excellent, if I do day so myself. I must say that the second day I was becoming more comfortable on the ice. Is it weird to be 50 feet up a slab of ice, hanging on only by a couple picks out the front of your feet, and actually not be terrified of dying? 'Cause I was at that point. And it was frickin' cool! It almost makes me want to hunt down some frozen ice here so I can hone what little skills I have. And also to further develop my rippling biceps. Next year, I predict some futher winnae by the Damgaard clan. 'Cause we have to go back next year. It's expected. Plus, I'm sure the COE would be lost without us. And Cool Bananas would miss us too, I'm sure.

Bananas is a fun word. Lots of a's. Just like Damgaard. Maybe that's why Jana likes it so much. Same nuber of a's as our last name. Weird. Anyways, until my next inspiration hits, at which point you will be able to read more of my insane rants.

Five alive fruit juice and Chaka Khan, my friends...