The Costa Rica "Make-a the Sex" tour 2008

Greetings, avid readers! Pull up a chair and get comfy, ‘cause it’s gonna be a long one. Well, if you hadn’t already heard (which would be hard since I’ve been bragging since my holidays were approved), I recently made a 2 week foray into the world of Central America, in the form of a trip to Costa Rica. I went with 2 friends, Becky and April, who I’ve known since the days of university. We backpacked around to various parts of the country for almost 2 weeks, spending a couple days in each place.

I’d go through the whole trip and give you an itemized list of what we did and where we went, but that would be boring and not at all my style. So I’ll try and give you the highlights, city by city.

Jaco/Playa Hermosa. It was so hot in Jaco we literally couldn’t wear clothes. We just walked around in our bathing suits. Which was OK since everyone else was doing the same thing. We went surfing while we were there, which was fantastic because the waves were strong enough I actually managed to get standing on my board. We stayed at a hotel right on Playa Hermosa (Hermosa Beach), so we could watch the waves come crashing in whenever we wanted, and our hotel had A/C, which was fantastic since it made it so much easier to sleep.

Isla Tortuga. We went on a day cruise from San Jose to Tortuga island. The ship we took had a bar, so naturally we had to have a pina colada or two. The best part of that was that they opened the cans of coconut milk with a machete. The tour took us to Puntareanas and they we sailed to Tortuga Island, where we spent 4 hours and had a fantastic lunch. At one point we were considering “forgetting” to get back on the boat and getting stuck on the island. The beach was too perfect, and the water was unbelievably warm. But we did get back on the boat.

Monteverde. We did quite a bit with our 3 days in Monteverde. We went on a guided night hike in the rainforest. We also went on a short hike through a cloud forest, which looks exactly like you think the rainforest should look like-huge trees, plants growing on plants growing on plants, and green everywhere. We also took a zip line tour. The first one was a little scary, but each line after that was more and more fun. The longest line was 750 m. The day we went it was raining and really windy, so on the last 2 lines they sent us across 2 at a time, so we’d have enough weight to make it to the other side, because the wind slows you down. What we did was the person in front would scrunch themselves up in the fetal position, and the person behind would wrap their legs around the person in front. Since there was an odd number of us, we got paired with an Australian fellow named Wade. So feel free to make as many jokes as possible about April having a strange man’s legs wrapped around her. We also went on a horseback ride on some tiny Costa Rican horses. We managed to miss the rainy season, but no one mentioned there’s a windy season in Monteverde. The wind just howled the entire time we were there. And it gets rather difficult to sleep when the wind is screaming so loud outside your window you swear it’s gonna blow the whole building right off the hill. Maybe that’s why the buildings are all made of concrete…

La Fortuna. We had the best time of the whole trip in Fortuna. We took a tour near the volcano, watched the glowing lava rocks from the volcano, and sampled the local liquor known as guaro (a little bonus our tour guide brought for us-never let a Costa Rican guy pour you a drink. It’s like 50/50 kids). We went to the hot springs where Becky got so sloshed off a drink called a 10 o’clock last call (one guess why it’s called that) we thought we might have to carry her back to the hostel. We went on another horseback ride, and deviated from the itinerary slightly by going bungee jumping-April paid and we called it my birthday present. Apologies to my mom’s friend Darlene at this point, since I had promised my mom I would never bungee jump and then sent her an email right after I did it, and Darlene had to walk with my mom that day at lunch after she had gotten the email. But the bungee was the biggest adrenaline rush I’ve ever had, which for me is really saying a lot. Our last day in Fortuna we went waterfall rappelling, which was fantastic, even though some of the rappels were right into waterfalls and we got a little damp.

San Jose. We were in San Jose off and on for several days on the trip. It’s a huge city, very confusing, but interesting nonetheless. We managed to get to Mercado Central, a big market selling everything you could possibly imagine (and lots of low-hanging objects for me to whack my head on-but more of that later), and we found this one pedestrian street with a myriad of shops on it. We didn’t really see much in San Jose, but none of us were really keen in sightseeing in the city anyways.

A lot of this is just my impressions, opinions and observations on the parts of Costa Rica I saw. It in no way should influence your views, since everyone experiences everything differently. This was a great trip, and even though at times it might sound like I’m complaining, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I came away with an overall excellent impression of Costa Rica, and I enjoyed my time there. While some things may have seemed gross, or very odd, I realized on this trip that’s just the way they do things, and it’s not weird to them at all. It’s a different country, and a different culture, and I appreciate that there are differences between how I live and what I experienced there. And that’s the whole point of traveling, isn’t it?

So without further delay, everyone’s favorite part, the little tidbits and highlights I feel the need to share:

The Language. I got off the plane and the first thing that runs through my mind is, “Holy crap! Everything’s in Spanish!”. It’s not that I didn’t expect this. I did know before leaving that Costa Rica was a Spanish speaking country. But when you get off the plane it basically smacks you in the face. Luckily, most signs, pamphlets., etc. are also written in English in most of the parts we visited, so it’s fairly easy to get around. I did make an attempt to learn some Spanish before I left, but everyone talks so bloody fast you can never catch anything even if you do know a little. But it did help a little when trying to read menus, signs, etc. That said, most of the people we came in contact with spoke excellent English. So if you’re staying mostly in the tourist areas and not going too far off the beaten track, you could probably get around pretty well if you didn’t speak a word of Spanish. I also found that they’re very modest in their appraisal of their own ability to speak English. When you ask if they speak English, they would often say a little. But then you start asking questions, and they come back at you with almost perfect English. Mad props to the people of Costa Rica for that, since I know nowhere in Canada or the US do we try to learn other languages in order to try and communicate with people visiting our own country. In the off chance that you did come across someone who really didn’t speak any English, you could usually muddle through with hand signals and any of the little Spanish you do know. And they were very, very patient with us when we did try and use a little of the language. In some cases I think they even appreciated the effort. Another quirky bit comes up when we were on guided tours and the guides were talking about the animals mating. They don’t say the animals mate, they say they “make-a the sex”. After one day I pointed this out to Becky and April, after which we felt the need to pop that particular phrase into speech whenever we could. Now you understand the title of this blog.

Other travelers and accommodations. While travelling, and particularly if you’re staying in hostels, you meet a lot of other people who are also travelling. In some cases this is quite fun, as the other people you meet are interesting, nice and friendly. In other cases, the people you meet are arrogant, disgusting and quite rude. Americans have somehow made quite the name for themselves as being arrogant and rude, and after this trip, I can understand why. Not all of the Americans we met were rude and arrogant, but sadly, the ones that aren’t are quickly forgotten when you come across one complaining about something as though they were the only person in the country that should matter. We were waiting for a tour to start and a fellow from somewhere in the southern states asked us where the tour started from. We told him that we were told somewhere around there, but not exactly where. His response was: “Well, what good are you, then?”. We don’t work here, buddy. We’re tourists just like you. This is not to say that all Americans are like this. We met a couple girls from New York who were actually quite nice. Neither is it to say that it’s only Americans who can be rude. At one point we were in the same room at a hostel with a group of Argentinean guys who were pretty disgusting. Apparently, in Argentina, if you want you can sell your sister for a cocaine farm and a couple goats. But that’s only if she’s hot. This we learned one night while the guys were talking to another guy staying in our room. The hostels themselves can be quite interesting, too. Most of the ones we stayed at were so convoluted you could almost get lost in them, and don’t even bother trying to find and empty bathroom. It was as if they just decided to plop rooms here and there, with no real planning. Kind-of makes you wonder a little about the building codes. Everyone at the hostels we were at seemed to smoke just about anywhere. Which, as a non-smoker, was a little irritating. But not quite as irritating as having to share a bathroom with 4 rather feminine guys from Argentina. I swear each of them spent more time in the bathroom than all three of us girls combined.

The people of Costa Rica. When you’re reading about Costa Rica most sources will warn you a little about Tico time. Ticos are what the locals are called, and the locals are never in a hurry. Even when they’re working. Especially when they’re working. So Tico time is basically a warning that you shouldn’t be in too much of a hurry, since nothing’s gonna get done too fast. It wouldn’t be rare to be standing at a counter trying to buy something and have the cashier simply walk away for a few minutes without a word. Sometimes it’s to answer the phone, help another customer, and sometimes it’s just to talk to their friend who just walked into the store. They do come back and finish helping you eventually, but in the meantime you’re left standing at the counter wondering where they went and if they’re ever coming back. That’s Tico time. I also noticed the the women in Costa Rica aren’t particularly shy about their bodies. You won’t see a whole lot of loose clothing, but you will see a whole lot of bellies peeking out from under shirts that are a little too tight. And a lot of skin, even on people you’d rather not see a whole lot of skin on. For the most part, the guys in Costa Rica, particularly the tour guides, it seemed, were pretty cute. Short, but cute. I’m pretty sure April had to hold herself back from popping one of them in her backpack and taking him home.

Driving. Originally, April and Becky had planned on renting a car and doing most of the driving around ourselves. But after about 5 minutes on the road, I was very, very greatful that plan was scrapped. Roads in Costa Rica are windy, bumpy and confusing. We were walking around San Jose looking for Mercado Central, when we realized there were no street signs. None of the roads in San Jose make any sense. They meet at very odd angles, some of them dead-end without warning, and some are one way streets that aren’t marked as such. And after the bus ride to the hostel on my first night there I realized that stop signs don’t mean stop, red lights only sometimes mean stop, and lane lines are basically pointless. This makes walking anywhere a rather interesting experience, since you’re never sure if you’re going to get run over if you cross the street. Pedestrians don’t have the right of way, we quickly learned. So we decided the best plan, if we did have to cross a street was just to run. Sure, the locals got a good laugh out of it, but we lived to tell the tale. And there are motorcycles everywhere, that drive everywhere. When cars are stopped at a stoplight, the motorcycles drive up between the rows of cars to the stop lines so they can get in front of the lines of cars when the light turns green. All of the vehicles in Costa Rica are standards. Tourist vehicles tend to be vans that are a little bigger than a minivan but slightly smaller than a full out bus. Though there are full size buses there. You just don’t want to take them because of the sketchy roads. The paved roads are as bumpy as gravel roads are here. They build them on really steep hills, and they wind them up, down, and around the hilly terrain. Before we left, we had heard that the road to Monteverde was really bad, but after about an hour and a half I remarked about how it wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone had been saying. Then about 10 minutes later our driver slowed right down and we didn’t know why. Then it dawned on us. The pavement had ended. The road was so bumpy we were catching air off our seats every few minutes. And it was narrow, and on the side of a steep hill. So when the driver would swerve to avoid a big bump, every so often he’d go dangerously close to the edge of a rather steep cliff. They’re very fond of their horns in Costa Rica, but for very different reasons than here. Here, if you honk your horn, it generally is accompanied by a single-finger gesture and a contemptuous look. There, a car horn is simply to let a pedestrian know you’re coming up behind them, to let other cars know you’re turning/stopping/etc, to get the guy in front of you to hurry, or simply to say hello. You get very used to the sound of car horns very quickly once you get there.

The wounds. We got hurt so many times on this trip we actually started keeping a log of all our maladies. It ranged from self-inflicted pain like sore butts from horseback riding to accidental stuff like April ripping open a couple of her toes on 2 separate occasions. Though we did come home battered and bruised, we didn’t mange to get ourselves seriously hurt, which I see as a plus. I did, at one point, get a rather disturbing rash, but after a quick trip to a doctor and 10 anti-histamine pills, it cleared up quite nicely. The one thing that sticks in my mind is how I managed to keep whacking my head on various things. It started with getting up out of a hammock and slamming my head into the bar over top of it, and was followed by me whacking my head on something nearly every day after that. Apparently Costa Rica was built for short people. It was everything from the stuff hanging from the ceiling in Mercado Central, to the bulkheads on the boat on the way to Tortuga. And the best part was April and Becky would snicker every time this happened. April wants to go to Scotland next, so I have high hopes for a place built for taller people there. We all also managed to get a lot of good bruises, from surfing, falling into stuff, and in places we don’t even remember getting hurt. Sadly, none of the good ones seemed to photograph very well.

The food. One of the most important parts of any trip, if you ask me. The typical dish in Costa Rica is known as a casado. It consists of rice mixed with beans(and some spices if you’re lucky), scrambled eggs if it’s breakfast/chicken or fish if it’s supper or lunch, some sort of bread product (buns, tortillas, toast), and fruit, and perhaps some fried plantains (which are basically sweet bananas). It’s good the first few times, and then you get really sick of rice and beans. Plus they put rice and beans in everything, so you get even more sick of them. I was hoping for lots of different kinds of spices on the foods there, but the most exciting it really got was cilantro. To be fair, though, we did have some very good casados, particularly the one from Pure Trek canyoning. There is an acute lack of carbs in Costa Rica. The closest you’ll get to bread most places is a tortilla shell. After a while we took to ordering the pasta dishes in some restaurants because we were just so tired of meat. Well, Becky wasn’t tired of the meat, but it’s Becky. They have a dessert there called the 3 milks (tres leches). It’s like a super-moist cake with icing and sweetened milk underneath it. It’s delicious, and should you ever get the chance, definitely try it. As for drinks, yes, beer is actually cheaper than water. You can get a beer for about 800 colones (about $1.50), but water will generally run you 1000 colones (about $2). I actually only had one beer the whole time we were there, and it was just so I could say I’ve had Costa Rican beer. They have 2 common brands, Pilsen and Imperial, though Imperial seems to be a little more easier to find. You can have just about anything made in a juice or milkshake in the restaurants. We had ones like coconut, strawberry, guava, mango, papaya, watermelon, and blackberry. It’s a little hit and miss as to whether they’re good or not, but it’s fun to just pick one and take your chances. And if they’re not particularly good they’re at least still drinkable. And when they say milkshake, it’s not like a milkshake you’d get from Dairy Queen. It’s fruit juice mixed with milk, not ice cream. The coffee I had there was also some of the best I’ve ever tasted. I don’t know if it was simply because it was fresh (they grow coffee beans there, so when I say fresh, I mean like the beans were picked yesterday), or if it was the type of bean, but every cup was a little sip of caffeinated paradise. And we all agreed that the best coffee we had the whole trip was at Poca a Poca in Monteverde. If you ever go, have a cup. Bloody fantastic!

Money. Everyone’s most and least favorite. The local currency is colones, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a place that wouldn’t take US dollars. Everything costs about the same there as it would here, but in some cases some stuff is a bit cheaper. A coke, for instance, would be around $1, whereas it would be $2 here. There are about 500 colones to a US dollar. It took me about 3 days to get the conversions right, but after that it’s pretty easy, and you can use dollars or colones interchangeably, pretty much everywhere. Even the bank machines there will give you the choice between withdrawing dollars or colones. It can be a little hard to get rid of coins sometimes, though. The smallest denomination we saw was 5 colones, and unless you’re really on the ball, it’s hard to get rid of anything smaller than a 500 colones coin. Luckily at the airport there are boxes for donations to help the homeless, which is a brilliant idea, since travelers need to get rid of their coins somehow, and it’ll take about ‘til they get to the airport to realize this.

Everything else that didn’t fit in the previous categories. The houses are all attached together, and you rarely see shingles. Almost all the roofs are corrugated tin. Which is great ‘cause it’s cheap, but noisy if it rains. There’s no heating in any of the buildings, since there’s really no need for it. Except when you’re in Monteverde and the temperature drops at night and the blanket that came with your bed at the hostel is a little too thin. Almost everything is made of concrete or metal. You don’t see a whole lot of processed wood. Though they do have these nifty trees they use to make “living fenceposts”. Basically all you have to do is take a living branch or log of this tree, plop it in the ground and it’ll grow. Set them up in a line, and voila! A fence. None of the windows have screens. There are bugs, so screens would have been useful, but there are none. And the way the windows open is that they’re glass slats that pivot to let air in . Sort-of like those horizontal blinds.

So that was my trip to Costa Rica. Until my next great adventure!