We left Dec. 24, 2008, which almost didn't happen. We were supposed to fly out of the Campbell River airport early on the morning of the 24th, but the airline called and suggested we fly out the evening of the 23rd and stay the night in Vancouver, just to make sure we made it to Vancouver for the 24th. Earlier that week it had dumped about 3 feet of snow on us and the airport had been shut down for almost a day and a half, and they were afraid of that happening again. So away we went to spend the evening in Vancouver. And it's a good thing we did, because the next day the snow was flying, and there were more than a few flights canceled at the Vancouver airport. Thankfully, our flight was only delayed, and we still managed to get out. We were 3 hours late leaving, but we still left, praise be to Westjet. Most of the Air Canada flights were canceled that day, but only one Westjet flight was canceled. We both felt pretty lucky, since there were some people who'd been trying to get somewhere for 3 days and were still trapped in the airport. So very early on Christmas morning we landed in Honolulu. And let me tell you, it felt a little weird getting off the plane into the +25 degree heat and humidity.
Which brings me to the weather on O'ahu. We stayed the entire 2 weeks on that one island, not because we didn't want to visit the other islands, but because there was enough to do on that one island that we didn't need to go anywhere else to fill up our time. Maui will just have to wait a few more years to enjoy our company. The weather's always nice in Hawaii. Even when it's windy and raining, you still don't need a jacket. A light sweater, maybe, but never a jacket. Unless it's waterproof, and then it comes in handy. As a self-professed running junkie, I was eager to try out running in Hawaii, especially since winter had finally settled over Campbell River and I was kindof tired of wearing full pants to jog in already. But I was not prepared for Hawaii. Within about 10 minutes, the sweat was running off me in rivers. And the humidity just sucks the energy right out of you. I think the longest jog I managed while we were there was just under an hour. And I thought I was going to die! I have great respect for anyone who runs the Honolulu marathon, or even attempts the Hawaii Ironman. I think you'd have to have a few screws loose to even attempt either.
Glen and I went on a bunch of tours and day trips while we were there. The largest industry in Hawaii is tourism, so there are lots to choose from. Though I will say that the most of the ones we went on were pretty tame. They appeared to be quite adventurous online when I booked them but were in actuality geared towards lazy, unfit tourists. And good example of this was the horseback ride we took at Kualoa ranch. I thought we'd actually get to go out, see some of the more hidden valleys, get a little farther off the beaten path. No. We stayed on a very flat gravel road and only travelled about 2 km. In an hour and a half! It was one of the most boring horseback rides I've ever taken. I'll explain why later.
First up was the North Shore Shark Encounter. We were taken out into the ocean about a kilometer from shore and put into a metal and plexiglass cage floating in the ocean. Then they tossed some chum in the water and we ducked under the surface with our snorkels and watched them. While it doesn't sound particularly extreme, it changes when you hop into the cage, duck your head under the water and the sharks are 3 feet away! It was a little unnerving for a while, but really cool. Then a piece of chum goes floating by and the sharks swim after it and whack their tails against the cage hard enough to jar it and it gets really, really cool. I got seasick for the first time in my life on this tour. I was fine, then after about 10 minutes in the cage I got nauseous. Then when we got back in the boat I tossed my cookies. I'm not proud, but it wasn't just me that was getting ill. In my defense, though, the waves were 6-8 foot rollers and the boat wasn't exactly huge.
We went to 2 different luaus while we were there. One at Paradise Cove, the other at the Polynesian Cultural Center. A luau for the tourists is basically dinner and a show. And a chance to try poi. More about the poi in the food section. They were both pretty good, and we did learn a bit from each of them. A luau is not to be missed when visiting Hawaii, even if it is just so you can get lei'ed.
We also went on a hike & bike tour with Bike Hawaii. It was okay, but I was hoping for a bit more from the bike. The hike was up to a waterfall in the rain forest, so we got wet. But the waterfall was pretty, and we got to see what a bamboo forest looks like. Picture green bamboo stalks about a foot apart for as far as you can see. It was cool. And very, very muddy. If you choose to do this tour, take the rubber boots. Trust me. The bike portion was downhill. There was almost no pedalling. And it was only 6 miles. And we had to go single file. It was frustrating having to hold the brakes and go slow the entire way down because the tourist dorks up at the front haven't been on a bike in 10 years. Go faster, dammit!
We also spent a day at Kualoa Ranch. We took the 6-wheeler tour, the ranch and movie tour, the horseback ride, and the garden and fishpond tour. The 6-wheeler tour was basically them driving us around in the back of an army vehicle through the bush. Not exactly thrilling. The ranch tour was the best of the day, because we got to see where a horde of movies were filmed, and the rest of the ranch. The movies I can remember that were filmed there: Pearl Harbour, Jurassic Park, 50 First Dates, You Me and Dupree, George of the Jungle, Godzilla (the new one) and Mighty Joe Young. They also film a handful of TV shows there on occasion, but right now the only one I can remember is Lost. This tour would've been much better if I'd actually seen any of the shows they filmed there. I stopped watching Lost when the polar bear showed up. I've already described the horseback ride, and the garden tour was in a bus, driving through a garden pointing out different plants.
The North Shore Surf Bus was one of the better things we did while we were there. They picked us up and gave us a quick tour of the North Shore, then turned us loose at the activity of our choice for 2 1/2 hours. Glen and I chose to go surfing. More about the surfing later. Then they dropped us in Haleiwa for 1 1/2 hours to get lunch and wander aimlessly. Haleiwa is basically Hawaii's version of Tofino. We also stopped to see the turtles sunning themselves on the beach, and what should have been the Banzai Pipeline. I say should have because the day we were there it was totally flat. Yes, the stretch of beach famous 'round the world for having the best waves. Where the waves tend to reach heights of 40 feet. The stretch of beach with houses owned by Quicksilver, Roxy, and all the other surfing companies where they send their pro surfers to spend a couple weeks every year. Totally flat. I was quite cheesed, and that's putting it mildly. The picture below of Glen is at the Pipeline.
We also went out to the Polynesian Cultural Center for a day, and stayed for their luau and evening show. The center itself is interesting, and we got to try weaving, and some delightful coconut bread (which I shall attempt to make at home of I can figure out where to get freshly shredded coconut). The evening show was fantastic.
The tour guides in Hawaii are great. Most tours I've taken in other places, the guides are pretty serious, and don't really joke around a lot. The guides in Hawaii never stop with the funny. They even toss in a little sexual innuendo every now and then. It's fantastic. And it makes the tours that are a little lacking a bit easier to enjoy.
We also took a couple days to just wander around and do some stuff on our own. One of those things was hiking Diamond Head. It's a 0.7 mile "hike" to get to the rim of the crater. For Glen and I it wasn't particularly strenuous, we just sweated a lot because of the heat. But some of the people coming down that hill looked like they had climbed Everest. Seriously, 0.7 miles. That's like, 1 kilometre of uphill. It wasn't that bad. And we got a fantastic view of the island. It was also really nice to get a little exercise after having taken so many tame tours. I might also mention that we actually walked to the crater from our hotel. Most people took the bus. Pansies.
That same day we went to the Honolulu Zoo. It was a zoo. There's not much more to say. Oh, but there was this really cool Lovebird that was really friendly and kept following us back and forth in front of his cage. He squawked quite loudly when we finally walked away.
We also went our to Hanauma Bay for a day. We'd heard it was the place to go snorkeling, and we weren't disappointed. It's a protected area, so there's a fee to get in ($5-I shall rant more about this later), and you have to watch a 15 minute video before they let you in. But I didn't mind the fee so much here. In fact, I would've paid more. It's one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. And the snorkeling was even better. The bay is filled with reef, so you can swim in and around the reef, into the little caves and crevices looking for fish and corals and other little creatures. And the reef is so shallow that at times you can scrape yourself on it just floating on the surface if you're not careful. And the fish! I couldn't begin to even start naming all of them. Though I will give you the Hawaiian name for one of them. The Reef Triggerfish, Hawaii's state fish. Humuhumunukunukuapu'aa. Yes, that's actually a real word. And I can actually pronounce it. There were so many fish you didn't even need a snorkel to see them under the surface. It was amazing. Should you ever be in Hawaii, go to Hanauma Bay. It's worth it.
We also went out to Pearl Harbour for a day. We didn't make it there early enough to get out to the USS Arizona memorial, but we did go to the other tourist traps they have out there. The USS Missouri (the "Mighty Mo") is the last battleship commissioned by the US military, and now it's a floating tourist attraction. It was a big boat. That's really all I have to say. The Pacific Aviation Museum was restored airplanes in a hangar. That's really all I have to say. The best part of that day was the submarine USS Bowfin. I whacked my head twice inside it. Submarines are tiny! But they still have all the instrumentation and dials and stuff, so it was interesting to crawl around in it.
On our last day we went to Chinatown. It wasn't really much different from any other Chinatown. The smells were making Glen nauseous, though, so that trip was short-lived.
There's still so much to say...where to start...
The other tourists. There are 2 main groups of tourists in Hawaii. Those that are Japanese, and those that are not. There are a lot of Japanese tourists in Hawaii, probably something to do with the relative proximity of Hawaii to Japan. There are so many of them that they have their own Japanese language tour guides at most of the attractions. Like in the rockies, they all have their huge cameras out all the time. And they always look perfect. Not a single hair is ever out of place. And the women are always in heels, even when it's completely impractical to be wearing heels, they have them on. We were at the ranch, and I swear I saw more than one pair of high-heeled shoes paired with white pants. At a ranch! You're just asking to fall in cow pie that way, my friend. And on the horseback ride, none of them had any idea how to ride a horse. None at all. So we had to go ultra-slow. Have you never seen a western movie? Pull left, horse goes left. Pull right, horse goes right. It`s not rocket science. Oh, and the bathrooms. As many people may not realize, Japanese women's butts never make contact with the toilet seat. Not sure exactly why this is, but they don't sit, they squat. So, as you can imagine, they miss a lot. So it's not uncommon to walk into a bathroom stall and see, not only that it hasn't been flushed, but that there's piss everywhere. On the seat, the floor, everywhere. It's disgusting. I understand that you squat, and I'm okay with that, but for the sake of everyone else using this bathroom, could you at least wipe the seat when you're done? It might make me hate you just a little bit less. I saw some of the most disgusting bathrooms I've ever seen in Hawaii. And I spent 2 weeks in the Jasper backcountry pissing over a log nailed to 2 trees. Those privys were better than some of the ones in Hawaii.
The other variety of tourist is anyone who isn't Japanese. You can spot the Canadians, they're the pasty-looking polite ones. And if you want to find out which ones they are for sure, wear a t-shirt with your favorite NHL team on it. We met at least 10 people from various places in Alberta simply by Glen wearing an Oiler's logo on his shirt. For the most part everyone's pretty cool. Though it is kindof funny to walk down the beach and try to pick out the Europeans in their speedos and cancer-dark tans. And the tans do get dark. Glen and I did get tanned a bit while we were there, but for the most part we had the SPF 50 out to prevent the inevitable sunburns. So we felt like snowpeople on the beaches for the most part. Some people have clearly never heard of skin cancer. It was a little disturbing. Sure, everyone expects you to come back looking like you've had a little sun, but there is a time to draw the line. When your skin gets darker than the locals, it's time to put the tanning oil away.
The shopping. Oi, the shopping! Man, could you spend a lot of money in Waikiki if you wanted to! A handful of the high-end stores you can find in Waikiki-Ferrari, Cartier, Ferragamo, Prada, Yves st. Laurent, Macy's. Those were the stores Glen and I stayed out of. Who needs to spend $1000 on a purse? But the other shopping, the souvenirs, of that we did plenty. After a few days we realized that every little souvenir store basically sells the same stuff. The only thing that changes is the price. And if you get to International Marketplace, you can sometimes bargain them down a little to get something cheaper. There's also a chain there called the ABC Stores. They're basically the 7-11's of Waikiki. I think one guy told us there's 42 in Waikiki alone. They're more numerous than Starbucks in downtown Vancouver. It's insane. Throw a penny in any direction and you'll hit one. I will give them this, though, they are quite handy when you're looking for something specific, 'cause they'll probably have it.
The food. Oh, the food. It's expensive, but good for the most part. I think Glen and I each gained at least 5 pounds. There are tons of restaurants in Waikiki, so you never have to go to the same place twice. You can find cheaper places to eat, but you might have to look a little harder. One of the best places we ate at was the Senor Frog's. Good Mexican food and a really fun place to eat. Though that could have been the yard-long mai tai. I was a little disappointed the guy making the balloon hats never made it to our table, but maybe next time. Cheeseburger in Paradise was also a fantastic place to get a good burger at a reasonable price. And they had good taste in music. We also had a hot dog at a place called Puka Dog, where they had all kinds of funky relishes. Glen had Starfruit relish on his, I had coconut on mine. And it actually tasted pretty good. Poi is the one food all tourists to the islands must try, and you usually find it at a luau. They make it from tarot root, which is cooked and then ground into a tasteless paste. It's pale purple. Some people hate it, Glen and I were indifferent. We did realy enjoy the poi bread at the Cultural Center, though. It was really super purple and tasted really good.
Money. Hawaii is not a cheap place to visit. Everywhere you go they want money for something. At Diamond Head we had to pay $1 just to get onto the hiking trail. And then when we got to the top they wanted $2 for a sheet that proclaimed to the world we had actually made it to the top (despite the fact that it was possibly the easiest hike I have ever done). At Hanauma Bay we had to pay $5 just for the privilege of getting in (though, as I said earlier, this was actually worth it). At the Polynesian Cultural Center, if you hadn't already paid for a guided tour, you could pay $25 each and upgrade yourself to having a guide. It's like that everywhere. But if you're picky about your souvenirs and what you do and where you go, it doesn't have to be.
The Language. There is a Hawaiian language. You don't necessarily walk around town and hear it spoken on the street, because Hawaii's been a US state for so long, but there are words that get used quite frequently. Aloha is one everybody knows, it means hello, goodbye, and I love you. Ohana (for anyone that hasn't seen Lilo and Stitch) means family. Mele Kalikimaka means Merry Christmas. It took us about a week to learn that one. We were told what Happy New Year was, but it's really long and neither of us can remember it now. Mahalo is thank you. That's about the extent of our Hawaiian vocabulary. Everyone in Hawaii is Ohana, so if you go somewhere, you get called cousin. Everyone's a cousin in Hawaii.
The Bus. This is the best way to get around O'ahu. It goes everywhere, and it's very tourist-friendly. The bus announces every stop and tells you what landmarks are near that stop so the clueless tourists (me and Glen) don't miss their stop. And it's $2 for 3 hours worth of transfers. The buses come quite often, too, so it's not like you have to be exactly on time to get where you want to go. The bus negates the need to rent a car, and for the most part will drop you off feet from where the tourist attraction you're looking to get to is. Bus guides for most of the tourist attractions on O'ahu can be found at any ABC store.
Obama. Barack Obama was born on O'ahu. And grew up there. And vacationed there. While we were there. Apparently the day he went body surfing the coast guard had to actually be in the air while he was on the beach. We learned that from one of the guys on the shark tour, whose roommate is in the coast guard. Apparently now you can even take the Obama tour, which will take you past the hospital he was born in, the school he went to, and other Obama landmarks. Though if you take enough of the other tours, you'll get to see all of those landmarks anyways. They're very proud of Obama in Hawaii. I too, shall wear my "Obama Surfs" T-shirt with pride.
Surfing. I was psyched for the surfing. The first opportunity we had was on the North Shore, when we went up with the Surf Bus. But, as I mentioned previously, the waves sucked that day. Like, really sucked. Though it wasn't just the waves. Most of the surfing in Hawaii is on reef breaks. The surfing I'm used to, in Tofino, is a beach break. They're very different. Beach breaks are regular, and frequent. Reef breaks aren't. You have to paddle out lying on your board because you can't walk, because there's reef just underneath the surface of the water. Which doesn't make the wipeouts very beginner friendly. While neither Glen nor I ever did manage to injure ourselves, it was likely only due to the fact that we never really managed to catch that many waves. Reef breaks are not regular, and they move around depending on the waves. One minute you think the wave's going to break, so you start paddling, but then it peters out and you've got nothing. Then, because of the paddling, you're in the wrong spot for the next wave, so you have to turn around and paddle back for the next wave. Except that it's a reef break, so the wave has moved. It's very frustrating. You have to literally be out on the water the entire day to get even just a couple chances. I can count on one hand the number of waves I managed to actually try and ride. And we rented a board in Waikiki for almost 4 hours one day.
The wounds. This section seems to pop up in all my blogs, so why should this one be any different? It started with a scratch on my leg the first day. I have no idea where it came from, or when it happened, but there it is. And I'm pretty sure it's gonna scar. Then there were the surfing bruises. Normally I get the ones over my hip bones where my body contacts the board, and Hawaii was no exception. Only these were much, much worse. I'd have taken pictures but they're not exactly in a good spot to be taking pictures of. They have only now started to not hurt, and we've been home for almost a week. I actually had to stop myself from renting a board one day beacuse I didn`t want to make the hipbruises worse. Another surfing injury I sustained was the board rash. Unique, as I have never had board rash before. I got it on my upper arms where they were brushing the board as I paddled, and on my hip above my bikini bottoms. It's itchy, so it makes sense they call it a rash. I guess there's a reason they call those surfing shirts "rashies". Should you decide to try surfing in a tropical climate, ask for a rashie. You may feel foolish at first, but you'll thank me later when you're rash-free.
The Eye Candy. Oh, the boys in Hawaii! The girls were pretty too, I guess, if you're into that. But the boys! Go to any beach, anywhere. It's just delightful. I wanted to get a picture of the guy who runs the surf bus to demonstrate this, but he put his shirt back on before I could get my camera. But use your imagination. And then multiply that by 5. Yeah. And there's lots of good-looking Hawaiian boys, too. They were all just a little too short for me. At one point I was promised a 6'2" guy to take my picture with at one of the luau's, only to be disappointed when he was only about 5'7". Pretty, but too short. Ladies, if you ever want to go somewhere just for some lovely man candy to look at, I recommend Hawaii. You won't be disappointed.
So that brings me to the end of our trip, finally. We did manage to get back home again. Though it was touch and go when our plane was delayed by 5 1/2 hours in Honolulu due to the weather in Vancouver. We managed to get a couple hours sleep in an airport hotel, which was much better than some, who ended up sleeping on the floor at the airport. Well, I think that's it for this adventure. I'm sure I've left something out, but I'm sure you're all tired of reading by now, or at least need to get back to work. So stay tuned for the next great adventure!
